Life after college, week 1

Eh, it's going to be a pretty boring entry since it's just going to be a list of things I've been doing and want to do (once again, an over-ambitious list that will go undone). I kind of want to keep a log of what I do, since I cannot remember for the life of me what I did the senior summer of high school. I'm assuming nothing (which is always nice), which is why I don't remember it.

Before I left Berkeley, I did a photo montage with Joey and Mike, that was fun. It's entitled "bitches", and just a brief little thing on how it got started. A few weeks before school ended, me and joey sat on the bench by the Campanile and were just chatting. Joey, for some reason, started beatboxing, and I started rapping (well, poorly), "Bitches on a bench, bitches on a bench, yeaaah." And came up with the characters in "bitches." Also, I watched some episodes of Freaks and Geeks with Rey; I really like it!

Drove back down to Socal last Wednesday with Theresa, and that was rife with word games and delicious delicious fast food (ok, breakfast at Jack in the Box was gross, but that's my fault for getting the worst biscuits ever). Basically reminisced a lot. My car tires were a little flat so we stopped by inflate, where I fumbled with the machine and was mostly puzzled the entire time, but we got home alive, miraculously. (And no speeding trouble this time ;) )

Once I got back home, well let's see... things I've been up to

Cooking!!!!! My dad used to cook dinner for us, but lately I've taken over as the head chef in the house, hehe. So far my repertoire includes (ok they're all really easy to make, gimme a break):

1. Chinese meat sauce
2. Grilled asparagus
3. Roast asparagus
4. Baked Squash
5. Chinese Chicken soup
6. Pan-fried chicken cutlets (aunt's recipe)
7. Dumplings

Other things I wanna try:

1. More chicken dishes
2. Fish
3. Steak sandwich?
4. Mashed potatoes
5. French Fries
6. Egg-drop soup.

Okay, fine, they're easy dishes, but I'm workin' on it, k?

Been jogging again, it's really really nice. I should start lifting again soon. Blah, i wish I had a stricter regimen for exercise while in college - I've gotten way too sedentary. It's nice to work out. Plus I tire out too quickly, so need to build up that endurance for my hiking trip in August.

Asia: Excited.

Shopping - got new pants, lots of new sandals, new monitor cause my old one broke. Unfortunately, my list of necessities (ok fine, not necessarily necessities) increases as my weeks progress and now I need (aka want) more button down short sleeves, shorts, new cross trainers.
Been watching: House, some anime
Been reading: Joan Didion, Y the Last Man
Saw: New Pirates movie, WTF?

Cleaned out my room
Donated some books

Basically hung out with people back at home, though, to be honest, I haven't really been terribly aggressive about it - I kind of just wanted time to myself for a while. Think I'll be more social in a bit. Too bad half of my friends are gone starting this Monday/Tuesday, oy.

I want to:

Visit museums and touristy spots in SoCal
Visit Berkeley
Clean out my room
Learn more Chinese
Figure some things out.
Oh and, sell my books.

I wrote an emo post earlier about graduating then deleted it from the public eye, but dammit, I'm going to write another one. (How original!)

I can't do this. I can't leave. It's 1 AM right now and I'm losing sleep over how much I'll miss this place. I haven't been this distraught over leaving somewhere since I moved from Taiwan to the US. I was playing frisbee earlier today, and walking around Telegraph, and eating, and helping a friend move out, and just generally being around campus on such a beautiful day and I realized: I can't leave. I love this place.

How did 4 years go by so quickly? I remember freshman year better than all the other years (arguably even this one). How did so many things happen, but it felt like no time has passed at all since I got here? And how did I change so much (maybe for the better... well, hopefully) but not even realize that I've changed until just today?

It was too short, but I know if I stay any longer I will go insane/also won't be happy.

My neighbors upstairs have been vacuuming, and apparently now they're drilling. That I will NOT miss. What douches.


I remember being not too terribly concerned when others older than me graduated, and I didn't get what the big deal was. It's a hard feeliing to explain - it's a reluctant kind of sadness, but also a sense that you know that this was something inevitable that was going to happen and that there's no use fighting it.

I guess I just don't want to stay in my empty room any longer. I just want to go home, and delude myself into thinking that I'll still be coming to Cal in the fall.

Addendum:

Apparently he also gave us the adult channel. Comedic gold.

I made friends with the cable guy

So my internet and cable has been broken, ironically around one week before I move out. My technician showed up today, and said that I should have enzymes in my body. "Enzymes are good for you," he said, "you know where I can get some enzymes in a bottle?" As far as I know, I don't think they sell enzymes in a pill, but I told him maybe he can eat vitamins instead. He seems upset that he can't eat vitamins, and I went back into my room.

Then he yells from the other room, "are you doing homework, or are you tired of me already?" So.... I went into the room where he was fixing the cable, and we chatted. He talked about his son, who might be going to juvenile hall, and how he tells his daughters to do their best. He says that nowadays Juvie (Juvey? Juvy?) costs money to the parents, and it might even work. "Back when I was in Juvie, my mom didn't have to pay nothing." And "Oh, and I might get fired from my job because I have to go pick up my son everytime he gets into trouble. I find out today." Who votes to charge parents to pay for juvenile hall? This is the exact thing that exacerbates problems among high crime communities. Making their lives harder to live, probably will just send more kids into poverty, and more kids into crime. People make these decisions, because they assume that their kids will never get into trouble, and for the post part, they're right, but this doesn't solve the problem. Anyway, I digress...


His girlfriend then called him, and he didn't want to pick up, "Girl only wants my money... You gotta work hard, y'know? You can't go blaming other things, blaming other people. I work hard, etc."

"Hey, I got to get going but thanks for listening. Good luck in school" I replied, "Hey no problem, I like listening to people and their stories."

"STORIES? OH I'VE GOT STORIES FOR YOU!"

Then he stayed another half hour to tell me about the existence of UFOs and the Loch Ness Monster. They were really interesting, actually, and he really knew how to tell stories.

As he left, "Hey Jenny, you all right." Nicest compliment ever.




Oh, and I think he gave us free HBO and Showtime, but I'd have to check my bill first >.<.

I suck at Spanish

Yesterday, our Spanish teacher passed out a sheet of paper with everyone's name on it. On that day, we were doing advertisements/commercials in Spanish on our chosen product (Coke, McDonald's...) And some people have already filled out "orange juice", "Cheese", "Plates." So naturally, I wrote down "shampoo."

Later on in the middle of the class, my teacher came up to me and said "Jenny, this is a list for the picnic we're going to have on Friday. Um, I don't think we need shampoo, can you bring napkins instead?"

My mother's day card says:

I actually remembered Mother's Day. This time. Don't get used to it.

Anyway, thank you for all that you have given me, including your genes. I hope you are having fun on your alumni website, and that your clinic will be very fortunate. I am so lucky to have a family like ours.

Jenny

Awkward? I think so. I think she'll like it.

Knowing everything that I know now...



I would like to get into a time machine, and travel back to visit the confused freshman that was me all those years ago...









And I would punch the stupid bitch in the face.

Obligatory awkward moment of the week story. I'm so generous I even bolded the awkward for you:

Earlier that week:
Prof: Ok, your paper is due tomorrow at 3. Don't do it the last minute! I'll have the dropbox outside by office - so just come on by. DON'T TURN IT IN THE LAST MINUTE! Your work quality really suffers.

Later that week, at around 2:50:
Me (about to drop paper in dropbox when OUT POPS THE PROF): AH! Um, hi!
Prof: Hi! What's your name?
Me: Oh, Jenny...
Prof: Hi Jenny, turning in your paper?
Me: Yeah... haha turning in some last minute work (Why did I say that?)
Prof:... okaaay...
Me: *nervous laugh*

*POIGNANT SILENCE*

Prof: Jenny right?
Me: Yeah.
Prof: Thanks Jenny.
Me: *shuffle shuffle shuffle away*


---


Ok, I should update here. Nothing really to say though....

In the past week, I've had fun ...
Watching more Firefly with the usual suspects
Playing Frisbee at night
Went clubbing then.... HAD THE MOST AMAZING HOT DOG EVER, RIGHT?!
Drinking at a bar (once again bringing our own food... First Gouda, then Soy chips, what next?)
Playing Cranium
Watching some House
Cafe-ing and borrowing comic books hehe
Visiting my old employer from summer
Cleaning my room, yes! Pictures forthcoming.

I kind of hope my friends don't get tired of me hanging out with them almost every day this week.

I did not have fun...
Writing a 3 page Spanish movie review while having a bad day
Writing an MCB paper
Studying for MCB
Writing in general
Self-diagnosing myself with the DSM-IV


Over Spring break...
I got a manicure and a facial
Caught up with my hs teacher
evaded work
Saw my aunt and uncle
Planned out Asia trip with Erica
Read a lot



I'm RIDICULOUSLY excited about going to Asia this summer - Japan China Taiwan WHUT?! Hopefully I'll even see Sun while in China!

I might be doing an UCSF backpacking trip! It's been a while, so maybe I should get back into practice. It's funny, I hated being active in high school and I still suck tremendously at running but I am 200000 times more active than I was back then.

I was talking about this with someone, and they said they don't like to visit HS because they hated who they were back then. I agree.

MIND DUMP AHEAD

I really want to do one of those "go off on your own and discover yourself" things. There's just a whole lot of things I want to figure out and fix about myself. Don't get me wrong, I'm more or less content with life, but some things just aren't quite right... and I've got to try to improve before I go into my high stress job, or even begin to think about helping others. I can be so much more than what I am now if it weren't for certain traits.

I WILL figure this out, gawdammit.
Sorry for being vague.

Ok, so many of you probably already know www.pandora.com
but it is frickin' amazing - you type in a song or artist that you like, and it'll start a radio station to find other songs similar to it. It's awesome.

Ok, in other news, I'm home for spring break. Finally - I can recharge. I don't know why I'm so exhausted - I haven't been doing anything too stressful since I got into med school, but I guess I'm a bit glum about graduating. On the one hand, I don't really feel like hanging around as a student, but on the other hand, I also there's too many things left undone.

--

A couple of days ago while walking home from class, I saw a woman jogging with her dog. As her black dog came bounding up behind her, I saw that it was hopping a little bit. Then I saw that it was missing a hind leg, but it had no problem keeping up with its owner at all. In fact, it looked like it was rather satisfied with everything.

Literally one second later, I saw a man with only one arm riding a bicycle.

I don't know why, but that made my day. I think that was a nice thing to see.

--

Sometimes I wish I could just FIX myself.

I'm an idiot day!

UGHHHHh

So I misread an essay question on my psych midterm and answered it COMPLETELY WRONG.

Whatever.

THEN to top it off, today, at a cafe:

me: I'll take the egg sandwich, please.
Cashier: Ok, what kind of bread.
me: No bread.
Cashier: ... .... you ordered a sandwich.
me: OH MY GOD! I'm sorry! WHEAT!


SIIIIIIGH Why am I such a space case?

Best weekend ever:

1. Sitting around all afternoon bumming around with Joey and Mike
2. Beer at Loony's! Never been there before, actually, it's actually a really awesome place.
3. Men's Octet w/ Theresa and Grace. I really really liked the Octet's version of "I Will Follow You Into the Dark." it was so damned pretty. I'm sad that I'll be missing ICCA, though :(
4. Clubbing with Wayne and Rey. I had sooo much fun just dancing around. No prospects, of course. But around halfway in, we started smelling the most amazing grilled onion smell in the world. When we left, we saw that there was this shady van sitting outside the club with two guys making hot dogs with onions. It smelled so good but I didn't get any since it was from these guys with a sketchy van. Rey did though, and apparently it had bacon on it. BACON ON HOTDOGS. OH MY GOD. That is the most amazing thing i've ever heard. Instead, though, we ended up going to Jack in the Box (or was it carl's junior) and got a milkshake and bacon hamburgers. Then we drove up past Lawrence Labs and watched the city lights and ate our food and just chatted. It was great.
5. Jack! Cassie brought her dog, a chihuahua mix, and I got to play with him Saturday morning. I took like, a million pictures, because he was the most adorable thing in the world. He can jump three times his height. The only thing was that he freaked out when we took him to Strada and had to tie him outside. AHH WHAT A CUTE DOG
6. Rugby game - I wasn't too into it at first, I admit, because I didn't understand the rules and it was moving quite slowly. So I went home and took a short nap, then came back and watched a really really exciting match. It was really hardcore. It's like football but faster and less protection.
7. Then went up the campanile with Joey and Mike (i'm such a third wheel). I don't know, it was super pretty and I took a lot of pictures, and the last time I was up there was the beginning of sophomore year. It was also really sad, though, when I realized that I was graduating. I saw all the buildings and had a little memory (or a lot of memories) about almost all of them. The games, dorms, everything. Actually, I take it back, graduating is making me really sad. It's like it's my last shot at everything and after this it's all gone. I'll really miss this place. I have so many regrets about the place, but at the same time, I had so many awesome times. It all balances out, but sometimes I'm afraid I'll never have this type of happiness again. Anyway, enough of being a debbie downer, onto...
8. Frisbeeeee! I can't believe I didn't get exposed to frisbee until 2nd semester senior year. SO much fun. Played for hours and hours and I was getting better. I wanna get my own and play it all the time. Too bad it needs more than one person or else I'd just play all the time (by myself, I wonder how that'd even work).
9. Dinner with Cindy, yay! I felt bad that I wasn't able to stop a creepy homeless guy from groping at her food, though. That sucked.
10. Surprise bday party for my improv director! It was fun, and I was really excited to have done my first keg stand. It's like my college career is now complete.
11. Lots of rehearsal today - I'm feeling like I'm finally getting it. Too bad it's now and not like, 3 weeks ago that I got it. SIGH. Oh well, trying my best - I'm having lots of fun though.
12. Went wandering the campus with Rey after getting yogurt park tonight. We went up to La Loma and tried to get into the old dorm, but the door was locked and we couldn't get in. :( I guess we really just wanted to reminisce and remember our freshman year when we moved in. It went by so fast.... how did it all happen like that?

Super tired - I'm gunna sleep now.

I wish I were a freshman again so I would appreciate everything... and done things differently. I also wish that I wasn't chasing after girls so much (the urge pretty much stopped after my MCAT stress kicked in). I would've rather been single my entire career in college and had them as friends that I actually got to know and hang out with instead of just a bunch of pissed off and/or estranged ex's (or non-ex's, as the case may be ;) ).

So.

When I get stressed out, sometimes, I unhinge my jaw. Not intentionally - it just unhinges. Then it hurts pretty bad - then I have trouble eating, because I can't really open my mouth too wide.

Yesh, i mean now.

Joey gave me her shirt - I really like it! Thanks!

In class right now, very boring. I really wish I just got a coffee and came in late instead. I've had to stifle a yawn every 5 minutes, and right now I'd really like to just curl up on the desk and fall asleep. I'm so over school.

--

Excited about Alvin Ailey on Wed.!

Looking in the mirror this morning...

I realized that I'm fucked.

I.

had.

The.

MOST.

TERRIFYING

NIGHTMARE IN THE WORLD.

The worst of it is that it was true at one point in my life.

----

Anyway, I'm just really stressed with school since I've been procrastinating like no other this year. It's very unlike me and kinda bizarre, actually. I finished a 6 page paper last night and am in the process of writing another 1 page paper (ok it's nothing), both due in, oh 40 minutes.

And I'm WRITING IN MY BLOG! WHICH ON ONE READS!

I truly truly truly am so lazy. It's so weird because back when I was stressed out about med school and needing to get good grades, I was so on top of my shit. I'd get everything done like at least 3 days ahead of time, and start studying for a midterm at LEAST a week in advance.

I have a midterm tomorrow that I haven't even started studying for.

Anyway, that's boring. Life's going well. I can't wait to graduate sometimes, but sometimes I really don't ever want to leave.


EDIT:

What a spazzy spaz spaz. Weirdo.

Sometimes I wonder if zits can boil over and explode with the unbridled fury of 1000 volcanoes.

Adventuras en mi clase!!!

Translation:

Teacher: So what's everyone doing for valentine's day? I'm going to a red light party, can someone tell me what that is? Jenny?

Me: It's um... well, when the light is red, the car stops and umm...

Teacher: Very good, Jenny, but I meant a red light PARTY.

New Format! How exciting.

I decided that I'll mostly post funny/embarrassing stories instead. They're more fun.

From my away message:

Me in spanish class today:

Background: We were supposed to unscramble sentences in spanish.
And I was first.

TranslatioN!
Prof: Jenny?
Me: Um, restaurant does reservation have to?
Prof: Um, unscramble it.
Me: (silence)
(silence)
(SILENCE)
Me: Lo siento.

So.

2 things:

First, my GSI for MCB 165 is hiLARious. For some reason, not many people found her funny, so maybe it's just me.

"Okay, so there has to be another way to increase receptors on the synaptic surface right? Alternatives are good. Ok, well, i don't mean to give you guys relationship advice, but I just want to say, that if your partner gives you an ultimatum, NUH UH, that's BAD. Because that means they're not flexible, and they'll make your life totally miserable. So. Yeah, alternatives are good. Anyway..."

And:

"And here's a glial cell, so what is it doing here? Well, God has plans for everyone..."

And:

"Sometimes, when we pray, it feels good, like if you're christian, and you're praying... Not that there's anything wrong with praying. Praying is good. I'm a Christian myself."

---

Other than that, I had a totally bizarre dream.

I was in my spanish class, and everyone was speaking spanish. But I shall write this in English anyways. Our prof asked "So, if you can grow a field of ANYTHING, what would you grow?"

Guy 1 says "I would grow a field of money, so I would be rich."

Girl 1 says "I would grow a field of flowers, because flowers are pretty."

All this time, our prof seems unimpressed.

Then me: "I would grow a field of rice, to feed ALL the hungry children in the world."

Then my prof gave me a standing ovation and was like "See? See this person? This is the type of person we want in this world. The rest of you? WORTHLESS! Wow. Just wow."

Yeah........ WEIRD.

EDIT: I cut out the emo. Pardon the mess.


let's see, I think I've been sleeping weird on my side so my left side is numb every morning I wake up. It kinda sucks.

I really really want to watch Fox and the Hound, but I don't think anyone actually wants to suffer through that with me.


I'm really excited about this semester, but I'm also sad that it's over. Life is good.

I have a terrible and irrational fear that no one likes me. AHHHHH!

Insecuuuuure.