I wrote an emo post earlier about graduating then deleted it from the public eye, but dammit, I'm going to write another one. (How original!)

I can't do this. I can't leave. It's 1 AM right now and I'm losing sleep over how much I'll miss this place. I haven't been this distraught over leaving somewhere since I moved from Taiwan to the US. I was playing frisbee earlier today, and walking around Telegraph, and eating, and helping a friend move out, and just generally being around campus on such a beautiful day and I realized: I can't leave. I love this place.

How did 4 years go by so quickly? I remember freshman year better than all the other years (arguably even this one). How did so many things happen, but it felt like no time has passed at all since I got here? And how did I change so much (maybe for the better... well, hopefully) but not even realize that I've changed until just today?

It was too short, but I know if I stay any longer I will go insane/also won't be happy.

My neighbors upstairs have been vacuuming, and apparently now they're drilling. That I will NOT miss. What douches.


I remember being not too terribly concerned when others older than me graduated, and I didn't get what the big deal was. It's a hard feeliing to explain - it's a reluctant kind of sadness, but also a sense that you know that this was something inevitable that was going to happen and that there's no use fighting it.

I guess I just don't want to stay in my empty room any longer. I just want to go home, and delude myself into thinking that I'll still be coming to Cal in the fall.