I am always irritable and pissy. Anyone will tell you that.

But nothing makes me more pissy than cramps.

Today I found out that the only thing that makes me more pissed off than menstrual cramps, is having no painkillers for my cramps.

I'm back at home in LA, and was very frustrated to find that, despite being in a house with a doctor, our house has no Tylenol, no Alieve, and absolutely no NSAIDs, but we do have 10 kinds of anti-histamines for allergies. We have montelukast too, did I mention that?

So I left my house, and drove into our local shopping district. There were no Longs nor Safeways there, so my best bet was the herbal remedies shop. My mistake.

"Do you have anything for pain?"

"You mean, natural medications for pain? Why yes we do. We have herbal and vitamin supplements proven to provide pain relief."

I left. "Ok, my dumb mistake. You go into an herbal store, you get herbs."

The next closest thing was Whole Foods. Now, I knew my chances of finding ibuprofen was slim, but it was my best bet.

"Can I help you find anything, ma'am?" The clerk asked, as I walked down rows and rows of rose-hip supplements, CoQ supplements, and bee pollen supplements.

"Yeah, do you have any pain relievers?"

"Well, we do have natural supplements for pain relief."

Oh god.

We walked down a completely separate row, and the clerk asked, "What kind of pain are you having? We have all kinds of vitamin supplements to help with pain."

And this is the reason why people with anger management problems and cramps should never speak their mind: "No, I will not tell you what kind of pain I'm having. Because I am bleeding dead endometrial lining from my vagina, and my uterus is contracting and releasing prostaglandins, because it is irritated. It is irritated of all these fucking vitamin supplements, all 1,305 types of them, but no one fucking carries a single $2 bottle of ibuprofen for my FUCKING CRAMPS. And no, I do not need a bottle of 'cure tinnitus', thank you" was what was on my mind.

"Muscle cramps," I demurred, "And thanks, I think I got it."

I left Whole Foods, and realized all of the sudden, my cramps were gone. Homeopathic medicine has cured my cramps with the sheer amount of rage that it conjures up in me.

I'm a believer.

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Next time, I'm just going to make that extra drive to Long's Drugs.