Got my mom addicted to House. I'm very proud.

I love being back, becaaaaause

Mom quotes:


"You should tell everyone that you have syphilis. OH how about AIDS?"

I don't even remember the context.

So.

Got into one of my top top top choices today for med school.

SWEET.

And I found out that the class I thought I failed? I got an A. Also sweet.

My mom took a look at my eye and said that I have a cornea infection. Booooo.


Final Fantasy XII is fun and also eating up my life. Good.

Seeing friends this week. Also good.

overall?

I'm doing swell.

SO CLOSE TO BEING DONE

Um, so this semester kicked my ass. Whatever.

I probably should've studied instead of playing Taboo for a few hours, but it was so addictive!

Anyhow, I'm looking forward to doing these things until my brain turns to mush when I get back home:

















And:




















Oh, and:
family and friends... I suppose :)

You know, something I noticed about the locker that bothers me is naked people. I know it's totally normal, and it's not really a problem, but sometimes I'd just be walking to the bathroom and the scale minding my own business, then BAM! NAKED OLD LADY! Then it's totally awkward muffin.

Yay fun pics

I've been alright. Last week was kind of lame because I was emo the whole time, but I cheered up near the end of the week.

Donated my car to charity, sigh.

I can't wait to graduate and have a fresh start again.

Pictures! These are some Yale pics that I liked that I didn't post on facebook. Mostly because I forgot, but i'm also trying to wean myself off of that habit.

Chin losing definition. Concerned.

My aunt is crazy amazing - For Thanksgiving, she made:

1. Turkey, of course
2. Candied Yams
3. Buttermilk squash (what?) soup
4. Fancy Salad
5. Rosemary prime rib
6. A Chinese beef dish
7. Mashed potatoes
8. gravy to go along with it
9. Stuffing
10. Not one, but TWO kinds of stuffing.
11. String beans

My dad brought ham.

Happy Thanksgiving, ya'll.

Need to read list:

The Plague (currently reading)
Woman Warrior
Ulysses (probably NEVER will read)
And school books. Oh shit

So I walked into the guest room today (I no longer have my own room in our house... kind of sad), and I see, to my horror, some certificates for smart kids that I got like way back in middle school and high school, and then a giant picture of myself. All of this arranged with some tacky asymmetry next to some weird piece of modern art that I can't quite decipher.

Horrified, simply horrified.

--

It's interesting how friendships shift and change. The people I thought were gunna be BFFs (haha) don't always stay that way, and the people whom I thought would never stay in touch are in fact my closest confidants.

I guess i used to have a lot of issues with these things - must be from being the only child for a long time. But recently just going with the flow and not really having any expectations has been pretty nice.

I'm excited to go to med school and see what'll happen from there.

I wonder what specialty I'll pick, I wonder if I'll do research, I wonder if I'll help people (hopefully that's a yes), I wonder if it'll be fun going to school with a bunch of people as neurotic and socially incompetent as me. Most of all, I wonder what my financial aid package will look like :-P

I wonder if I'll fall in love.

HAHAHAHA Gotcha!

Yale Trip

Was very very very fun.

I arrived late at Hartford, they made us sit on the runway for 30 minutes cause they had more planes than gates. Fools. Then I took a shuttle to Yale, and I met a fellow interviewee, so we chatted for a while. He was pretty cool.

Got to Yale, met up with Erica, checked into hotel, then had some Thai. Met up w/ David at Starbucks. Hmmmm it was raining and I kind of sucked and forgot to bring an umbrella, and Erica's noble umbrella died. My pant leg got REALLY wet and it was very upsetting.

Um, interview went well, I think. I hope. I really liked it - there were some tough/thoughtful questions, and I felt I did ok with them.

Tour was awesome. I really liked the school, so that was fun.

OK now's the fun stuff.

Erica and I wandered around New Haven trying to find me socks (laundry ate my socks, you know the story). And let me tell you, their campus is fricking BEAUTIFUL. I love the architecture, although Erica won't let up on letting me know that I didn't like Yale in hs. (I thought the architecture was creepy at the time. I think I was just trying to be anti-establishment. Or something).

Then DINNER w/ Shieh and Larsen at this pizza place. OH MY FUCKING GOD. Whoever came up with mashed potatoes and bacon pizza is a genius, please let me shake the guy's hand. It was SO good. That place had AMAZING pizza, and I got a beer called the "Toasted blonde." I don't know where they come up with these ridiculous beer names - it was light though. I'm not a big beer fan, but it goes well with pizza.

Met David's friends - they were really cool. It was then I found out that David has been referring to me as "Lesbian Jenny" for the longest time, and I was greeted as such. "So, you're lesbian Jenny." I guess it was slightly inappropriate that one of the first things we talked about was tagteaming david's mom. Well, you know, 99 apples and cranberry juice is the best thing ever.

then i got hungry and we went to this place and ate fries with the most amazing sauce. and then we hopped on over to an Asian snack place. And ate some more.

FAT FAT FAT

Of course, I am the queen of awkwardness, and while Erica was talking to her hip grad school friends, there was a lull in the conversation, and I said (to david): "I judge all my friends by their jawlines. I won't be friends with someone with bad jawlines. I can't stand it. You'll notice none of my friends have bad jawlines."

FOR THE RECORD - I really do value jawlines. That's why I was constantly whining about my chin, because I really really really like jawlines. Please do not let your chin fall into disrepair.

Then I totally crashed cause I was flying on 5 hours of sleep.

Saturday was pretty mellow.

I flew back at 5 AM in the morning, wtf. Got back to Cal at around 3 PM in the afternoon. And had dinner at around 7 PM at night.

Heh heh heh.

of course, I got sidetracked from my 6 page paper and went to smoke hookah for the first time. Let me tell ya, it's pretty awesome.

My paper is crap.

This is kind of a boring entry in retrospect, but i had fun, that's what matters.

SECOND acceptance!!

Tiiiiiiight!

I got accepted into my first med school today!

It's pretty good too :)

Happy!

I missed the days when stress was considered if I'll do well on a test or an AP or the SATs, or if I'll get into a good college, or if the person I like knows that I like her.

Now I'm more worried about where I'm going to be for the rest of my life. I' more concerned about what kind of a person I've/will become, and my character. I'm worried about making enough money to support both me and my brother. I'm worried that med school will be 50,000 a year (including everything).

The good news is, though, everything else seem like small stuff in comparison. So it's not all bad.

Addenum:

Erica also sent a small black book of cocktails, and a stress ball, how can I forget?

And alex thank you for paying for the circus! Daaaaanke

Thank yous:

AJ for waiting like 3 hours with me when they found my car, towed it, get my paperwork taken care of. I was totally freaking out, but AJ is a master at crisis management, so thank you soo sooo soooooo much for taking ALL that time to deal with my car shit. Otherwise my car woulda been towed and it also woulda cost 75 bucks and storage fees EEEE.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

And Erica rocks because:

She sent me a ridiculously big care package (Care package, I guess?)

It has a book by Scott McCloud, Lychee jelly candy, dark chocolate M&M's, pecan cookies, a frog (huh?), a card that was written while on crack (my fave), five thousand wolf stickers, peanuts, "mints" and travel sized scrabble. You're ridiculously awesome, Larsen.

and a million other people that I'm sure I'm snubbing. Thanks for helping out in my time of suckage lame.

I guess my Dad most of all though. He drove/flew up about 3 or 4 times these past few weeks to check up on me. I'm such a prep school brat... I wish there was something I can do for my Dad....

WOOT

They found my car!

WTF

1. shit stolen from car
2. sprained ankle
3. car stolen
4. my eye's infected.

In other news, however, i'm wondering how long pizza can last in the fridge before it starts killing me and my roomie.

And today my car was stolen. I'm having the best life ever.

So yeah, bad things come in 3's hopefully it's all over.

To avoid being cryptic, basically my car got broken into sunday and all my shit was stolen: wallet, mp3 player, laptop (3000$$ OH GOD), cell phone, oh and my stereo. Broken into at NOON. what the fuck. Yeah, it was stupid that I left all my stuff there. But still.... sigh.

Then I sprained my ankle this morning, all this to top off a good life.

Some things still work out once in a while though...

Let's finish up this year good. Please?

search for Jennifer Chen

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 224 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

But my name's not actually Jennifer, it's Jenny. Legally.


So: Jenny Chen

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 16 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

I'm special





Sometimes I feel like such a dick.

Um ok, so this is getting ridiculous

It happened again! BAH.

Anyway, my life's been pretty hectic - mostly just trying to fly to my interviews and stuff like that. I'm going to UPenn, Columbia and UMich the coming weeks, and I just heard from Northwestern... I don't know, I'm just so burnt out. All this flying around i think has really tired me out on top of the fact that school's kind of hard to keep up with if you're not here once or twice a week. Doesn't mean it's not fun though - I DO actually have a good time with this.

School's goin pretty well too. The essay that I wrote on the fly at the airport (haha) when I was stranded there for 12 hours got an A-. I honestly expected to fail that one.

I need to get the hell out of Cal.

Do you ever have one of those days when you woke up, and was like "today is probably going to be a bad day." And it came true? I wonder how much of it is a self-fulfilling prophecy, and how much of it is this supernatural VOODOO.

Either way, life goes on, I suppose.

I really want to sleeeeeep.

Interview then the FLIGHT FROM HELL

So I flew to Nashville all by my lonesome. I just got back like a few hours ago, and I still have that southern twang, which is really weird on me. I really like it, though. Anyway, The south is just SO different. Everyone was so friendly and nice; I got in at like 11 pm and ended up chatting w/ the janitor for like half an hour. He kept on telling me about the one Chinese man he worked for and offered to introduce me to the lone chinese man in the 100 radius range of Nashville. It was sweet in a strange sort of way.

Then when I was going to my interview, random people just go "Good luck at your medical school interview, honey!" one lady told me i looked beautiful haha. I like how everyone know I was going to interview.

And the students were really happy! WOW! I really really raelly liked Vandy - it's honestly like a med school version of Chadwick. Yes yes, I complained a lot about Wick but ultimately, it was defintely the place for me. Then my interivew DUM DUM DUUUUUM

we just chatted most of the time - he was telling me about how kickass the school was. I had fallen in love with it anyway. I hope I get in, I really like the school. But at this point I did all I could :)

--

Then my flight.

So there was this storm throughout the midwest and the south, you might have seen it on the news? Yeah, that one. Everyone's flight was delayed, and my flight got cancelled, yay.

Long story short - I got back 12 hours after I was supposed to. They sent me to SFO and sent my baggage to Oakland, and when I got to Oakland, my bags didn't show up till later. And I hadn't eaten for like many many hours, so my stomach was all achy and stuff when I got back to Berkeley FINALLY at like 11. I bolted to Gypsy's and I got that damned chicken salad again. But it was good this time, mostly because I would've eaten anything at this point.

It's all said and done though, and I actually got a lot of work done just sitting at the airport, haha. I'll just finish it up tomorrow. Oh man.

I'm gunna be so busy - this trip was really exhausting.

Update on LIFE!

So: I'm pretty happy with my interviewing stuff for med school - though I'm never gunna be at school and I'm going to fail out. hehe. I mean, that's not funny. So far I'm doing pretty well, I haven't been rejected YET (life's not perfect, but it's been pretty good so far).

I feel it's ok to celebrate here: I got an interview at Vanderbilt, UCSD, UMichigan, NYU, and UCSF! I also did a phone interview w/ Mayo last week - that was scary. We'll see if they want me back for round two... oy.

--
Project Runway:

I reaaaaally like Laura, she's so cool. A lot of people say that she's a bitch tho :(, and yeah, she is, but she's like "I'm not gunna put up with your shit," type of "bitch" not really the "I'm drama drama drama."

WHY THE FUCK did they bring those two back. It was horrible. Though Vincent is hilarious. His delusions of grandeur are the best thing I've ever seen. Angela is just kinda, sad. She makes me sad.

And Jeff, the guy with the tattoo on his neck, is so annoying. BLAH. His whole I'm a rockstar drug addict bullshit, oh shut up, you whiny little ... *mutter mutter*

--
I read a short story on how this coach in the Little League paid one of his players to knock out a mentally disabled kid (who was also a player) so that the team could win. What a dumb prick. It's the little leagues, not the world championship. It's so Tonya Harding except 200000 times more stupid. People like that, I'm just like, why are you such an inhuman horrible person?

I don't believe in the death penalty nor do I really trust in our justice system, but, sometimes, I wish that they had capital punishments like "swift kick in the balls x number of times."

Home report:

MartiniMonday: Me, a martini, half a bloody-mary. Bye!

Rest of the week: stressing about applications. Oh, and actually doing them, too

practiced mock interviews w/ Dad and mr. Cass. Dad was very demoralizing.

Interviews: 2, waiting for more *crossing fingers, whimper whimper*

David's mom was funny: "Has Jenny got... partner?"
My mom's watching his back too: "He should be doctor. Doctors are very liberal. Except maybe about economics. but liberal about other things"

Mostly I just hung out with people, though, nothing really exciting. Caught up on shit, mostly with other people, cause my life's pretty boring right about now.

Wished I spent more time with my brother. Dad was very cool and supportive about everything, but he was driving me a little bit nuts. Mom was asking too many questions about my applications, but mostly she was cool, too. They think I have a social life, but I think they're wrong. My dog had an eye infection, poor thing, and she was sneezing non-stop because of all the snot she has. She's getting old, and I'm a little bit worried about her.

Saw my grandma, too. I really wish I'd remember to call her more often.

OH! I went and bought some makeup. The girl at Clinique was super excited that I was totally new to the whole thing and was bouncing about in pure joy to enlighten yours truly. I actually like it - it's just foundation.

--

Came back to Cal:

Sunday night before school started: went clubbing with kevin. :) Was fruitless. Got my best shirt ruined, too, since someone got makeup on it. Was still fun though! There was this guy at the club that was totally getting unwanted attention, and he was making all these "OH GOD, HELP ME" looks at me. I should've helped him out, but he ran away when his unwanted attention giver started making out with him. I had a greasy old fat short and smelly man grinding up against me. It was SO disgusting. His manboobs were like, ugh, I feel so violated.

So, things are a lot tougher actually now that there's class AND I still need to finish up my apps and I have interviews, but other premeds have to deal w/ that shit too. I only have a few more to do, but I've just been so damned tired, worn out and demoralized. I got some feedback on one of my essays, and I was pretty unhappy with it, cause the content was basically crap, and I felt it was a little bit, iono, preppy ignorant-ass rich kid. Which, I guess, accurately describes me.

WOO that was a downer. Ok, I mean, I' m glad I'm getting work done though. By the end of this week, I'll be a free woman (hopefully, this stuff really can't stand any more putting off).

Hmmm already have an assload of hw - most of my friends don't. BAH.

Last year in college, kinda strange, it really DID seem like I just moved into my freshman dorm, sometimes, and other times, it felt like a zillion years ago. How'd we get here? I have lots of regrets, but I also had really good times, and some not-so-good times, but I was lucky enough to have friends and family to get my through my histrionic moments.

I just want something good to happen.

I'm also really hungry right about now, and I have class at 9... OY.

Oof, posting late night makes me boring and pensive, happy stupid post next time.

I've been practing my interviewing skills with friends and family and I realized that I am totally and utterly fucked.


fucked like a goat.

"Jenny, I know I will be able to tell if you ever like me 'that way'."
"Yeah? How"
"I'll get an email from your uncle."

Thanks, Joey.


--

"No one ever congratulates us for getting through another day, for staying alive. Congratulations, you're still breathing."

---

"The stuffed animals have to go. I want an adult house. Not a stunted adult house."



just quotes, I have nothing to say. If I do talk, I'll start rambling about med schools and you'll all want to claw your eyes out.

Ahhhh I screw up so often that i feel like my life is just a series of damage control events.

*mutter mutter*

I'm such a pissy little bitch right now.

*grrrrr*

I don't like birthdays.

1. It's when you find out who cares about you, and sometimes you find out that no one cares about you. I'm not saying me, or only me, or whatever. But it's very true, and especially horrible for people who aren't all that popular or likable. It's kind of like "on this day, if you weren't born, the world would be a better place."

2. You're dying slowly by the minute, why are you celebrating! WOO! My body's decaying by the minute, I'm slowly moving towards the earthen tomb and decomposition.

3. I don't like cake.

And the worst part is: I keep all my birthday cards.

I learned that swallowing pills with soda is generally a bad idea.

Improv updates:

All I have to say is, anyone who hasn't done it but thinks it looks fun should definitely give it a shot even if you're like "oh, I'm not funny, etc etc etc." I hate to sound like one of those self-help books testimonials, but seriously, the whole process makes you react differently to just... stuff in life. A lot of forgiving yourself for mistakes and just letting loose and all that. Anyway, I'm rambling.

In other news, med school apps are coming along swimmingly. (though I had a vicious run-in with the evil evil formatting of online forms that made all my paragraphs run together like a pudding. I know how to fix that now though, STILL, it's obnoxious dot com). I got some interviews (very very few, *prays they'll keep coming in*), and I'm pretty happy w/ how the process is going so far.

i also implemented those things where comments have to be verified as to avoid those dinky ads. Suck it!

School's bout to start. Looking forward to a wonderful year with no social life. I think I've become seriously more and more of a hermit as college goes on. As time becomes more and more precious, you realize that you want to spend time with the people who are worth it; I just have no time anymore for even my close friends.

Welp, I'm just cruising along. Cruise cruise.

Lies upon lies!

Weeee visited friends and went hiking and got lost.

Screwed up multiple times at work.

Improv workshop starts Thurs!

that is all.

I'm going for simplicity.

I like how people spam blogs now with the whole degree earning shit. It's quaint in a sociopathic sort of way.

Woo! It's been a fun-filled week.

I got addicted to Project Runway (AMAZING show... never thought I'd like reality television). The only thing that bugs me about the show is that it's not ONLY based on how good the clothes look - they base it on how interesting the competitors are, too. Like they don't eliminate the annoying ass woman with the ugly streetwalker clothes because BECAUSE she's an annoying ass woman with ugly streetwalker clothes. They eliminate the boring competitors - the ones with a bland personality and mediocre clothing designs. I suppose it's realistic for a reality show to do that (har har) - they have to keep it interesting for the viewers.

ANYWAY, sorry that was a tangent. Party on Friday at VJ and John's old apt- was fun fun fun. I got a nice butt massage. I realize that could be potentially awkward the day after, so I'm staying low for a while. Again, of course, I was wheeling everywhere in a pathetic attempt to walk in a straight line after one wine cooler. Nice. Actually, it's sad, really. I also realize that almost no one calls me by my name anymore - it's officially "Lesbian". Better than "Ugly," I suppose, or "Labia"...

Went on the long-awaited canoeing trip today! With Alex, Brenden, Joey and AJ. 'Twas fun and good - hoping to whitewater raft or something before school starts. The weather was pretty nice, but then we found a snake in our canoe! It was a little bastard and refused to come out even after we tried to drown it. Smarmy little sleezeball it was. Or maybe it was just dead. Huh.

Well, that was a disconcerting revelation. And sad.

I'm totally exhausted now, though - it doesn't hit you till later that you've been rowing in the sun for a few hours. Gunna either chill and work on my essays or sleep or SOMETHING. Or... I can watch Grey's Anatomy. Hehehehe.

And as do trips always come with its private jokes, I won't post it here because it's always fucking annoying when people share private jokes in front of other people and giggle.

Wooooooo! Hope ya'll have a good weekend, I'm going back to work and med school apps after this. Sigh. (i'm pumping out an essay a day - no joke).

On the verge of falling asleep, she suddenly realized that she couldn't relax her face. She took several deep breaths to calm down, then railed against the tightening of her facial musculature. That was when she found that her face was permanently paralyzed into a scowl.

I ordered a lemon chicken salad from Gypsy's

the description for the salad SPECIFICIALLY said that it was "covered with zesty buttery lemon sauce"

I got no "zesty" I got no "butter" and I got no "sauce" though they did include a slice of lemon in my salad along with some kirkland's italian dressing.

I dont' know why I'm so violently angry. I'm just filled with righetous, vengeful SALAD RAGE right now.

assholes.

It's TRUE:

veggiegirl2059: so i was reading your blog
veggiegirl2059: and i remembered emo poetry girl
veggiegirl2059: and became inexplicably and unreasonably angry
veggiegirl2059: hahaha

Just got back into Cal!

So home: got to see a whole bunch of friends and my auntie and uncle. Thank you, Kamaal for the Peruvian carpet/blanket/quilt thingie. It's on my wall now.

Man, being back home made me re-re-re-realize how much I like my family and high school friends, and how, whenever I go back, I don't feel quite like a socially incompetent weirdo anymore.

But then I gotta back into the swing of things.

So: while at home, bought some clothes from J. Crew, because I'm preppy, and then got contacts, and hair gel, and lotion. You're looking at a NEW WOMAN. Kinda. The contacts hurt after I have it on for too long.

I'm getting to know my brother a little better, which is really cool. He's growing up to be pretty fucking awesome. He's joined the wrestling team... I hope he kicks some ass. Meeeheheh

In other news, I HATE the 51 bus. hate it hate it hate it. It never ever comes on time. Ever. Does it ever? NO. NO it doesn't. Cause it's a dick bus. BLAH

Vacation!

Yay, so i'm back. Alaska was pretty good. THe landscape was like WHOA, I feel REALLY REALLY small when i look at all the mounatins etc etc. The glaciers were blue. Um. Ice pieces on the water. Hard to describe, other than really really pretty and the colors worked really well. No bad dressers in nature, or something.

Went whale watching, saw orcas, which was apparently pretty rare, so that was awesome.

Um.

Yeah, i was intending a better post.

But funny mom quotes:

"So, we're in a Christian Orthodontist Church?"

"He has a crash on her!"

"Well, some people might find him, well, inimitating."

"Can I get 2 bags of spandex with my coffee? You know, the ones in the yellow packets?"

"I'm a neverending source of entertainment for you, aren't I?"

Aand my brother got stood up by a girl, continuing a long and proud family tradition.

The food was ok, but there was a lot, and I gained 4 pounds. Operation Fat Chin Chen is now in effect. (except I had a steak and pizza for dinner tonight. Har har)

that is all, carry on, carry on.

Med school ap primaries: sent. Fingers crossed.
Alaska cruise: waking up at 4 fucking AM tomorrow
Note to self: need batteries for MP3 player
Video games: I'll miss you!
Bringing Books: Impro, Lolita, Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell
Email access: yes. Hurray for the internet.
Sleep: now (10:55 pm)
Stress level: 100 (an hour ago)--> 0 (now)
Haircut: Today. Woo.
Wardrobe: atrocious
On a boat
Hope not to lose sanity.
Check ya'll later.

Lalala

I have an eye infection

and my left eye is swollen up like a tennis ball now. A pink tennis ball.

Lalala

Going to work with my swollen eye now.

Okay! So many posts in one short time period - hey blogs are supposed to be inconsistent, right?

So update #1: MCAT scores. I'm preeeetty happy with it. It was way higher than I expected it to be, and the best I've ever done on it (when comparing it to the practices). To note: the score isn't like "zomg ur a geeenius", but it's pretty good. Think of it as high 1400's low 1500's on the SATs. (Tangent: called my dad, and was like "Guess what I got on my SAT?" Well, obviously someone hasn't dealt with her issues) My ESSAY score, however, was pretty lame. My essays, as usual, blew ass. But it wasn't TOO bad, I've done worse. It's passable. I wasn't expecting to do THAT well on the essays, anyway.

Update #2: Goin on vacation for 2 weeks starting Thurs night, wooooo! First it's off to Alaskan cruise on Sat for about a week. Then it's back down to LA for another week to just chill. I'm not sure who'll be back home, but let me know. I think most people are gone at that time, so it's just some quality downtime for me.

Update #3: Summer's goin pretty well. Work is okay (I'm not as excited about it now as I was before. It's a bit boring, but it's not bad or anything). I screw up constantly at work, but it hasn't caused too much hatred directed at me, yet. So it's good I'm leaving for 2 weeks. Pretty good times w/ friends up here too. Though a lot of the times, when I get home from work, all I want is to curl up in bed and sleep. So I basically am dead monday through thursday. Weekends are generally pretty good, though. Always something to do.

Update #4: Finally done with my med school ap. Thanks to everyone who helped on the essay. Already it's going to cost us around 800 bucks. Ack.


This was the most boring entry ever. But hey, bored people are boring people? What did that ol' addage say? I forgot. "If you're bored, then you're probably boring"? eh, I forgot.

I got my MCAT scores back.

:D

Ok, so I've gone without mentioning how "GHEY GAY GGAAAY LESBIAN" I am for a few months. In fact, I don't really talk about it much on this blog. Or any blog, really. I have had people tell me that what they like about me is that "you're not all in-your-face about being gay. I like how you're not such a stereotypical dyke."

Personally, I find that offensive.

It's like being told "I like you. you're not like those OTHER black/Asian/Jewish/whatever people. I like you because you don't have to be all in my face about it."

It's annoying. I'm sure many of you out there reading this are minorities, and I don't know if you feel the same way I do, but what IS wrong with identifying with something? No, it shouldn't be the ONLY thing that you are, but at the same time you shouldn't have to feel ashamed to bring it up.

I hate it when people say "I don't mind gay people, but why can't they just keep to themselves? Why must they have these parades? I don't want to see that"

I guess being at Berkeley has made me more insulated in that I expect everyone to be liberal. Or at least PC. Everytime I hear "fag" or "that's so gay" I think "what?" and want to telepathically will said person under an oncoming semi.

It's kind of scary, since I've been working at my job over the summer, and it reminded me how heterosexual everything was. nearly all my berkeley friends are gay, and all my straight friends at home are obviously not homophobic. It just scares me how dangerous it's going to be being out, and how much courage I can have to face it.

I've been going through a dilemma on whether or not to be out on my med school applications (since I do some clubs at cal). I've decided to be out. I'm scared that it'll ruin my life, but I'm also scared that not doing so would ruin my life as well.

It's ridiculous when people say it's a choice. I would love to be straight and just fit in. It doesn't quite work that way.

"If you feel so strongly, why don't you talk about it all the time?" Well, that's not really all there is to me. I get speeding tickets (heh), I have funny/sad/awesome things happen to me in school, I had the MCATS, I procrastine, basically things other than the fact that I'm a lesbian. This IS a personal blog after all.

*steps off of soap box*


whew, I think that's the most opinionated you'll hear me for a while.

the only other thing I get this riled up about is the obnoxious emo poetry girl :)

Yeah, I'm writing a blog post at work, how badass.

Actually, I'm just waiting for some experiments to finish running. Wow, yeah, so there's really nothing much to say considering my life's been pretty much the same/boring.

Well, I just paid for my entire 4.00 lunch in CHANGE. how ghetto is that? The cashier was like "..." Heh heh

Weekend's looking fun :) But I'm stressed out about med school aps >.<

I had a freakout session on Tuesday or Wednesday, I think? But then people chilled me out and then I calmed down.

Okay okay, i'll make some attempt at resusitaing the blog.

A) I really really like "Lost". Now, I'm not one to get addicted to tv shows, really, because I don't have that much interest in it.

....

You know, when I become interesting again, I'll let you all know. But for now, I'm just going to watch the centrifuge spin in a circle . Woooooo!

Things that make me happy:

naps
hours-long marathon of tv shows heh heh
food

I live for the simple things
and porn, I also live for porn. Except I jsut lied - I, and most people won't believe me, have never watched porn from beginning to the end. I get bored. I'm serious. Really, what does it do for me? Seeing two other people get it on, oh, that's great, that's great for you, way to remind me of my own impotency. When you think about it, why would anyone even like it?

one word: Vicariousness

which, i'm not sure, if it's a word I just made up

vicariosity? :)
---

summer's REALLY bad for blogging cause nothing ever happens.

Um

Life is more or less back to normal, but I'm still a moron. And I'll be paying... quite literally. Oy.

man

I just want to graduate at this point. Skip the med school application process and just... end up in med school. magically. just like that.

HA!

So fucking tired.

Can't things work out just like... for once?

Okay done whining. Back to Lost, it's SOOOO ADDICTING! And naw, my life is great and fine, i'm just being a debbie downer.

Um

Life is more or less back to normal, but I'm still a moron. And I'll be paying... quite literally. Oy.

man

I just want to graduate at this point. Skip the med school application process and just... end up in med school. magically. just like that.

HA!

So fucking tired.

Can't things work out just like... for once?

Okay done whining. Back to Lost, it's SOOOO ADDICTING!

oy. Hasn't really been my year. Started with kinda a zing and ended with a bang. A bad bang. Oh well. Hopefully it gets better.

Hokay, so went clubbing/dancing /whatever last night with a bunch of folks at Lucre Lounge. T'was fun. :)

Done w/ finals. Went kinda blah. I kind of don't care. Well, we'll see, right?

Had an insecurity thingie again, so called mommy, and, yes, there's nothing like a phone call to mommy to make everything ok. Yes, i am a total loser. You know, my mom is probably one of the wisest people I kow... about SOME things. hehe, but yeah, she's awesome.

Everyone's been asking, so MCAT scores come out June 2. Eeeeeee

Going to some commencement ceremonies this weekend. Waaaaah why's everyone leaving?!

I'm determined to go through with acting and this whole improv thing. It's time I stop doing the same stuff all the time. I mean, if I suck, then I suck, but hopefully i'll have fun. I signed up for the workshop. SCARY!

Driving back home by myself on Sunday. Not a big deal, just a 7 hour drive. I remember the first few times were with my dad, then I drove down soph year with Theresa, and that was really good times. Spring when I went back home, I somehow finagled David to come up and help me move and drive back home. Then when I came back up to Cal again, it was with Alex. Then my car stayed here basically forEVAR, till now, when i'm driving it back, but doing it solo for once. But uh, one thing's for sure, I'm a really bad driver.

Ex: Driving back down with theresa, "hey, hey, Jenny, watch the road. You're VEERING OFF THE ROAD, WHAT THE HELL."
"I don't know, I think there's something wrong with your car."
Theresa, there was nothing wrong with your car, I was just lying to cover up my bad driving.

Driving back down with David: "OH MY GOD JENNY, what are you DOING? What are you...? OH my god, we almost died. Look, just get out at the next exit and let me drive, ok?"

Driving back with Alex: "No, you're not allowed to drive." and "David told me you're really a bad driver. So, uh, yeah."

So.... basically my friends drove me back and forth berk and PV. Because I can't drive. I'm an Asian GIRL, gimme a fucking break, i'm just living up to my stereotype of being good at school, submissive, and crappy driving.

Hopefully I'll make it back alive? :D
Seriously though, I'm actually looking forward to it. I really like driving alone. One of my favorite times when visiting friends or family is usually always the driving part. So yay, 7 hours of fun?

REALLY

I should be studying.

Anyway, nothing really.

Just some regrets really, but i'm actualy in a pretty good mood.

To list them off

1. not doing sports in high school
2. not doing anything really "new" or "scary" to me in college. I.E. not taking risks
3. acting like a total douchebag to certain people and hence burning bridges
4. not keeping my room clean
5. rejecting people before they reject me (cliched, i know, but I realize I do this a lot)
6. reading too much anoncon livejournal, going on facebook too much, going on AIM too much


Lame.com!!!!!!!!!!!

Hopefully will change that. 3 can't really be fixed, but the other ones can. :)

EDIT: 1 can't be fixed either. Funny how I missed the total temporal distortion there.

---

OTHERWISE

Congrats to the seniors who'll be graduating this year! I'll miss you guys. But until then. PARTAY!!!!

So instead of writing my paper outline, or memorizing my 5 paper outlines for my class tomorrow (whatever p/np), I'm writing here. Procrastinator! You'll notice that I've been incessantly posting this week. Probably because it's finals ....eeeeeeeee

Whatever!

Funny thing about this blog; more people read it than I think. Because everytime I'm like "hey... so this one time..." someone's like "OH YEAH, I read it on your blog!" And I'm like "oooookay, wow I didn't know you cared/were THAT bored!" The best part is many many of my closest friends don't read it (some have almost religious beliefs against blogs/xangas/ljs.. these are mostly my home friends).

------had cheesy entry here, I deeeeeleeeeted it cause it was saaaaad ----

Arena (known to self and others) timid, insecure, withdrawn, overdramatic	Blind Spot (known only to others) vulgar, lethargic, cynical, distant, childish, chaotic, embarrassed, loud, panicky, rash, dispassionate, foolish
Façade (known only to self) glum, selfish	Unknown (known to nobody) incompetent, intolerant, inflexible, cowardly, violent, aloof, stupid, simple, irresponsible, hostile, unhappy, unhelpful, needy, unimaginative, inane, brash, cruel, ignorant, irrational, boastful, blasé, imperceptive, impatient, weak, vacuous, unethical, insensitive, self-satisfied, passive, smug, dull, predictable, callous, inattentive, unreliable, cold, humourless

Dominant Traits

66% of people think that JCZect is cynical

All Percentages

incompetent (0%) intolerant (0%) inflexible (0%) timid (33%) cowardly (0%) violent (0%) aloof (0%) glum (0%) stupid (0%) simple (0%) insecure (50%) irresponsible (0%) vulgar (16%) lethargic (16%) withdrawn (33%) hostile (0%) selfish (0%) unhappy (0%) unhelpful (0%) cynical (66%) needy (0%) unimaginative (0%) inane (0%) brash (0%) cruel (0%) ignorant (0%) irrational (0%) distant (16%) childish (33%) boastful (0%) blasé (0%) imperceptive (0%) chaotic (16%) impatient (0%)

Arena (known to self and others) accepting, intelligent, nervous, shy, silly	Blind Spot (known only to others) able, bold, caring, clever, complex, dependable, energetic, friendly, helpful, independent, ingenious, kind, mature, responsive, searching, self-conscious, sympathetic, tense, trustworthy, warm, wise, witty
Façade (known only to self) reflective	Unknown (known to nobody) adaptable, brave, calm, cheerful, confident, dignified, extroverted, giving, happy, idealistic, introverted, knowledgeable, logical, loving, modest, observant, organised, patient, powerful, proud, quiet, relaxed, religious, self-assertive, sensible, sentimental, spontaneous

Dominant Traits

81% of people agree that JCZect is intelligent
54% of people agree that JCZect is silly
54% of people think that JCZect is witty

All Percentages

able (9%) accepting (36%) adaptable (0%) bold (9%) brave (0%) calm (0%) caring (9%) cheerful (0%) clever (9%) complex (18%) confident (0%) dependable (9%) dignified (0%) energetic (9%) extroverted (0%) friendly (45%) giving (0%) happy (0%) helpful (9%) idealistic (0%) independent (18%) ingenious (9%) intelligent (81%) introverted (0%) kind (18%) knowledgeable (0%) logical (0%) loving (0%) mature (9%) modest (0%) nervous (18%) observant (0%) organised (0%) patient (0%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (0%) relaxed (0%) religious (0%) responsive (9%) searching (27%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (36%) sensible (0%) sentimental (0%) shy (9%) silly (54%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (9%) tense (9%) trustworthy (9%) warm (27%) wise (9%) witty (54%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 13.5.2006, using data from 11 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view JCZect's full data.

Jenny is a puss day

so randomly ran into Theresa and Grace today, and they were like "Augusten Burroughs int he Castro! COME!" So I was like "ummm, i'm sick, i have to study, etc etc etc." but I actually went. Got on the bart. But then my stomach started acting up and my limbs stopped working, so uh, i came back. But SHIT, it's Augusten BURROUGHS. I LOVE the guy. I feel like such a douche, but then again, as I'm sitting here typing this, I actually can't really move my limbs other than my fingers, so going to the castro for the rest of the night probably would've been a bad idea as well.

I'm really bummed about it actually. My one chance to be spontaneous! :( Buuut I wasn't. I was lame.com, but i was also legitimately sick.

ee double-u

On my way back, i tried to get on the the 7, but it was leaving. A couple of high school kids behind me were like "SHIT! HEY!" and helped me try to get the bus' attention. When it didn't work they yelled "HIT THE BUS!" Um, I'm Jenny Chen. I don't hit anything (ok, buddies, I know what you're thinking, drop it), even buses. So I just stood there waving my arms frantically. "JESUS! JUST HIT IT!" the kids yelled again. So um, I tapped politely on the bus door. It opened. I got in looking sheepish.


That was way too much adventure for me in one day,
The end.

Wah, I'm lame.

Whining yay!

So.... remember how I typed "my stomach hurts" in the last entry?

it was kinda just a little nagging thing when I was going on with my stream of conciousness.

Turned out I got a 24 hour type flu thingie. So basically I missed class for the entirety of monday, oh yay. Aaaaand I'm missing class now too. Urgh........

gut wrenching pain!

Wooooooo

So I'm procrastinating by reading a really really sad blog written by someone I've never even met. By sad, I don't mean, little puppy got run over by a car sad. I mean, sad as in, "are you actually going to wear that?" sad.

My stomach hurts.

I'm working on my personal statement and it's coming out as CRAP.

...
More procrastination by drinking beer and eating Pops with Jojo.
...

Now onto more procrastination with an episode of 24! Oh gawd.

lalalaal procrastinating from writing my personal statement or studying for my fiiiiiinals.

So it's been a pretty fun week.

Thursday I went w/ Alex, Brenden and Amy to a Men's Octet show. They were soooo good as usual. I've seen everything they've performed, but I still liked it. If they perform Moulin Rouge or Bohemian Rhapsody again though, I'll cry (before I typed "cry" I had "shoot myself in the face" then "vomit", I finally decided to tone it down to "cry"). After that I had boba, then went to a bar lounge thing Mike and Brian, which was fun, but too bad there weren't too many people there. Still, it was nice to spend time with friends.

Friday Had lunch w/ Ethan, then went to the UCCE Choral show (I realllllly liked it. I think it was my fave choral show of them all, actually), then saw a modern dance (not jazz) thing with some people.


BLAH so blogger fucked up my entry. now I'm all bitter.

ARGH I'm a PIRATE

So today went and tutored the kids. I only have a few weeks left, but they're SO CUTE. I'll miss tutoring my little 1st graders. :(

Hospital was okay. Today was employee appreciation day or whatever, so everyone got a free hot dog. I finished mine in less than a minute. mmmmm....

It's funny, actually. one of my friends a few months back compared how I dealt with love/relationships/whatever to how I eat. I scarf everything down all too fast, just like how I move too fast with most (if not all) people I've dated. If you've seen me eat, you'll notice that I scarf everything down with big bites and swallows. I can't help it! It's good! Of course, then i finish before everyone else, and sit there glaring resentfully at everyone. Maybe it's just coincidence, but my friend joked that from now on whenever she goes on a date, she's gunna watch how they eat. "If they eat like you, I'm gunna stay away from them. They might be a sleazeball" She said with a grin. So I'm a sleazeball. *sheepish* Little Jenny CHEN, A SLEAZEBALL.

If you want to take this metaphor even further, I also overeat. Several people can testify to this. I see something good, I'll eat and I'll eat and I'll eat until it hurts. It's happened several times that I end up lying in the car/bed/ground moaning "URRRRGHHHH WHY DID I DO THAT?" Or sometimes I'll go "God I'm full.... are you gunna eat that?" I just see (good) food and I EAT. It's like my instinct. Don't know where THIS metaphor goes (and I'm usually good at making far-fetched comparisons).

From 1/6/06, it was here earlier, but then got deleted, and now it's back, apparently by popular demand. OOOOH. It's Jenny being a bitch. OOOOOH.


vI hate douchebags

So today was pretty good for the most part, except I got a little stressed in the afternoon, and then I hated everyone. But it was all good after I napped.

Note to people who don't know me from high school or roomed with me in college: You fuck with my naps, I'll eat your firstborn child, I swear to God.

Then me and Mel attempted to go to Green Temple, but they hate us and are closed until I leave. Boo. So we had Mexican food yay.

But here's where the fun starts. We went to Coffee Cartel with Mel's friend Aaron from Tufts . THe coffee place is this chic little independent beach city coffee shop where people can go and feel that they're cool, cause they're not buying from Starbucks-damn-the-man.

Then followed a poetry reading, which was like, oh this is pretty sweet. But then there was this chick wearing a trucker's hat who kept on trying to buddy buddy and be all cool with the old poetry people. She kept on saying stupid-ass things like "Oh, haha, Larry is as punk rock as I am." She kept on saying how punk rock she was, wearing her grandfather's trucker's hat.

Gosh, you're SOOOO punk rock. you're SO rebellious, hanging out at a rich people's coffee shop, drinking expensive independent coffee ($1.60 for a cup of green tea, wtf), with your independent friends, your independent trucker's hat, and your independent emo poetry.

And she kept on interrupting other readers' introductions with "OH, that's my friend. Haha he's so cool. Wow he's DOWN with poetry. That's so cool!" REALLY loudly so everyone can hear her. Okay, that's cool, you're down with the old dude and the angry white boy with dreadlocks, that's nice, do we really care? Must you announce it to the world? "I have friends, really! Look, I'm being loud and obnoxious and embarassing the hell out of them all!"

I guess I can't really convey how obnoxious she was, but she seriously had something to say every 5 minutes. And really loudly too, like, she wants everyone to know how cool she is. And she kept on going, "Oh, grandpa, my poetry's really really vulgar, so like, you know, watch out! I'm soooo edgy. I'm talking about sex in front of a bunch of 50 year olds (and yours truly), I'm soooo REBELLIOUS! I'm breaking ALL THE RULES" Note: Her grandpa was in the audience.

So finally came her turn to read. You know, most people introduce themselves with 2 or 3 sentences, she kept on rambling ON and ON and ON and ON. Not really anything interesting, but just about how "LA boys don't like me" and "I meet boys on the MUNI" and "Oh my father was NEVER there for me, and I brought his guitar here as a symbolic representation blah blah blah", "I keep on falling for artists, god my heart's soooo broken."

Honey, it's not LA boys don't like you. Boys don't like you. PEOPLE don't like you. Yeah yeah? Your heart's broken? POOR MOTHERFUCKER. Join the damn club. Wow, your rich father neglected you? Awww, well at least he's still paying for your tuition. You brat.

And you know what's the worst part? She goes to Cal. And she keeps on going on and on about it. She's a freshman at Berkeley, and how hip and down she is cause she goes to Cal. Wow, she's SUCH an individual. Honey, you and the 50,000 plus population at Berkeley. You ain't special, get over yourself.

So finally we get to her poetry. Which is basically bad slam poetry. Like, can anyone our age do anything OTHER than slam poetry? In slam poetry's defense, I actually like it, but there's waaaay too many angry rich kids who think that they can be the next Eminem or some bullshit by writing angsty slam poetry. There are a LOT of good slam poetry, though, but let's just say hers doesn't quite meet the par. This is basically what it is (I think some of it is verbatim, but this was about almost 6 hours ago):

You reached into my ribcage
and ripped out my HEART! HEAAAART!
with blood dripping out as my heart got torn
still beating from my chest
Why don't you care about me?

Ok, you guys see what I mean?

Then she was like "Oh, whatever, you can leave. You have legs, you can leave if you don't like my poetry. I don't care. Whatever. You're just offended. You're just a square." But (as Mel said) you know she's actually saying "please don't leave, I need your validation. I need you guys here to make me feel like people actually like me and care about me because I'm a BIG ATTENTION WHORE."

We left after 2 poems. It was getting a bit much. I guess I was offended by her total lack of talent.

Rewatching The 40-Year Old Virgin then having a midnight pancake run refreshed me, though.

I guess part of me hates her cause we are kinda alike with the whole whine-bitch-complain mode. I also do the "oooh look, I'm so cool by association with my awesome friends" thing, though I hope I don't do it to the extent that chick was pullin' (As in announcing it in a coffee shop filled with strangers with a scratchy prepubescent boy's voice). I'm glad I never took my bad poetry to the coffee shop, though.


Anyway, that's my silly little rant. Stupid Cal emo chicks (with trucker hats) who write bad slam poetry upset me. Just a little.

Well, I WAS going to study and then go to class, but I got distracted by my blog.

Except I really have nothing to say.

Oh, well, small MCAT party thingie on Saturday. Went well. Thanks to everyone who came.

Hmmmm....

I talk too loudly when I'm on the cell phone. But I'm not the only one guilty of that.

Uh, yeah.

That's all I got.

I'm still coughing. I've been coughing this entire semester. This is really really kind of worrisome for me. Not sure what's going on, but will see a doc after finals.

Need to write my personal statement. And suddenly realizing for all my blathering, I really have nothing meaningful to say.


YAY!

Uncharacteristic optimism for the past month, what's going on?

My life's going well, as usual. MCAT's finally over, and although I don't think I did great, life's ok still. It's just one of many tests that I'll be taking, figurtively and literally I guess.

So my boss offered me a promotion and a raise (if she gets her grant *prays*). Haha, a month ago I thought they weren't even going to take me back nor write me a rec letter! Silly me. I guess I always assume the worst. (Sometimes I'm right! but not usually, thankfully).

I was talking about this with several of my friends recently... we're all: Excited for new things to happen. Kind of sad that we'll be leaving in a year. It went by so fast! The freshmen are so young! Were we ever like that? We all changed a LOT since we've first met/1st year. I'm worried about what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. I hope I figure it out.

-- and now, good old fashioned Jenny bitching

My downstairs neighbor was having domestic issues. At 1 AM in the morning I heard her screaming downstairs at someone in another language, then "I hate you! I loved you!" in English. Then hysterical sobbing. Then high pitched wailing. I hate to say it, and this'll sound horribly insensitive, but I kind of just wanted her to shut up. I really wanted to sleep, since I've only been getting 5 hours of sleep every night. Keep in mind that this was the girl who played loud techno at 3 AM in the morning all fall semester, yelled at me when I asked her to turn it down ("I can do whatever I want!"), and busted up me and Joey's house warming party for being too loud, can we say "hypocritical"? I mean, sucks, she must feel like crap, and it's a shitty feeling, but I can't muster much sympathy for someone with whom I've had such negative contact. Sorry, I'm not that much of a saint. So I stuck in some earplugs and fell asleep.

Actually, where I live, I always unintentionally end up listening to lots of breakup fights outside my apartment. Several times I've had a random girl cry hysterically outside my window, or I would hear an angry breakup conversation. My room is where relationships go to die. Still, it's interesting how people get so wrapped up that they don't realize that other people could be listening (or rather, forced to listen). I guess it can be pretty embarassing once you realize it.

DONE

Well, that's over. It went well, or okay. No surprises. Basically the same that I've been doing all along, so i kinda already know what to expect on the score. *knocks on wood for 5000th time*

Funny thing tho, before my one hour lunch break, the proctor said "for the next section, black pens ONLY." So I was like yeah, whatever, but during lunch I checked my bag for black pens.

I found only blue pens.
Fuck.
AH! Found a black pen... no ink.
Fuck.
Student store was closed.
Fuck fuck fuck.

Later: Found black pen, crisis averted.

Sorry that was the most exciting thing that happened.

Other than that:

Thanks to everyone for even just wishing me good luck. It meant a lot, I know it sounds stupid, but it did make me feel more confident. I was surprised at how many people actually said something at all. And obviously thanks to my best friends for pep talks, driving me around, and keeping me from freaking out.

This is sentimental of me, but my friends are really giving people, and I think I take that for granted sometimes.

Thank you.

Alright, I sound like an Oscar acceptance speech. I'm going to go before they cut to the commerical break now.

Reflecting:

Wow, I'm really happy, evne though my MCAT's on Saturday. My scores aren't where I want them to be, but I guess that's the best I can do, and what can ya ask for? For some reason, I'm strangely content with life. Again. I mean, I'm stressed, but happy. Shrug!

Got all my recommendations in (almost), that's sweet. I even got someone offering to write me one out of the blue! Ain't that awesome?

I chatted w/ my volunteering supervisor for like an hour today. I haven't been that excited discussing something with someone for a while - I was almost late meeting my prof because of it. We talked about racism, prejudice within the same race, med school, socially incompetant PhD candidates, hypersexualized culture, learning disabilities, funding, class divide... yeah, it went EVERYWHERE. Sometimes I forget how much I ramble, and how much I liked hearing other people's opinions.

Grade-wise, the midterm I bitched about a few weeks back (about missing that problem), turned out I got a 94-95%. That was one of 2 things I missed on the test. Wow! That turned out nicely.

Not sure if I'll have time this summer for video games. Hopefully I won't, actually, cause it'll mean I'm busy, and I like being busy. I like stress. That's what I realized. I like thinking "shit, I should go without food tonight because I need to study" or "I have no time to unwind." (that way, when you actually do unwind, it's like heaven). I like stress! I'm a stress puppy.

I need to buy:
toothpaste
toilet paper (we've been using tissues, sadly)
printer paper
do laundry (ok fine, it's not something to buy)
conditioner
power bars for sat.

I've bitten off more than I can chew, but,
Can I have a slice of lime with that?

Ohhhh Jenny's not allowed to post late night ramblings anymore.

Wow I just felt my shoulder (where I'm hurtin),

it's SO swollen.

I can't even feel my bone (I can feel it on the other side).

So MCAT is coming up in little more than a week. A little stressed.

Things are going well, in the sense that nothing's really happening, but med school applications, MCATs etc etc all coming up, it's very stressful but at the same time it's really exciting.

This summer's gunna be rad cause nearly all of my friends will be up here. It should be cool.

Currently ants have infiltrated my room, and they need to be taken care of. I spray them to death with windex.

I didn't get any work done tonight, cause I kept on finding excuses to distract myself.

My back's REALLY messed up. It hurts to move, sometimes.

I have 6 pages of my 12 page paper done. GO JENNY CHEN GO GO.

Psh. Whatever. weren't worth half a dime. :) Otherwise known as a nickel.

So riduculously stressed right now, but not going to write my problems down cause that'll only cause me to stress further and make me look like a whiny bitch.

Instead, i'm going to praise the lawd for such a great life.

I killed a two flies today -very proud of myself as a fly murderer.

I've also killed serveral hundred ants with windex.

...

I've come to terms with my awkwardness. Now I'll just wait until the rest of the world does. :) I'll be waiting a while.

Jen "I make people uncomfortable" Chen

So I graded some of my own practice MCATs today... I think I did ok. Hopefully in the next few weeks I can pull it up even more :)

It's kinda funny, actually, I look at the difficulty guide of the questions, and, of the questions I miss, I almost always only miss "easy" and "medium" and I almost never miss a hard question. (the test is mostly medium's and hard's). This reminds me of just how I am on normal tests too ever since I started taking tests, I always missed the "DUH" questions. That's kind how I am in life, too, but I blame that on my social incompetence.

I'm not big on common sense, as many of you may know.

I've been reading a lot too, mostly just fun stuff by Augusten Burroughs and graphic novels (yeah, whatever. Judge all you like). But I think maybe next semester, or over the summer, I think maybe I'll tackle Ulysses or something hard to read.

Summer looks good. I got my old job back at UCSF with the same awesome people; I probably will go backpacking a lot (hopefully) with Alex and Brenden (I'm holding you guys to it), and some canoeing too, maybe with coworkers or friends. I'll be applying to med school, assuming everything goes well, although I still have to ask my professors. GULP. (And I have to come up with a meaningful personal statement - eeeeee). I'll also be taking an acting class too! Imagine that. Me.

Of course, if I have time... You know what time it is....
KINGDOM HEARTS II TIME! VIDEO GAMES VIDEO GAMES VIDEO GAMES! TO HELL WITH A SOCIAL LIFE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You have no idea how distraught I was when I walked by EB Games and saw all these awesome games out, but I can't play them because I'm so damn busy.

Good mood. Brunch now.

ARGH

So I finished taking a midterm this morning. Felt pretty good about it - pretty confident.

about an hour ago, I took a nap. Then all of the sudden - I sit up in my bed and thought "SHIT"

I forgot to answer a question.

I distinctly remember thinking "oh this question's easy, but it takes a while to write, so I'll come back to it. DON'T FORGET TO COME BACK TO IT."

So I finished the whole test, felt good about it, even DOUBLE CHECKED MY WORK, and STILL didn't answer that question.

ARRRRGH IT WAS A GIMME TOO.

I'm stupid.

I'm going to be one of those doctors who leaves scissors in your body after an operation.

So I taught children again today. It's arts and crafts day, so I got to help out and actually do some of the stuff. That was fun! Made me feel like a kid again. Though one of the kids was being a little bit whiny, but it's fine. So it was good.

I'm really worried about my MCATs. My scores just haven't been getting better. I also have a midterm tomorrow. I got my old midterm back - A minus. Eh.

I'm very sleepy, too. I'm constantly tired, I wondre if I have chronic fatigue syndrome.

I have a 12 page paper due next next monday.

I'm a sentimental douche:

So I'm flying back to Berkeley today. You know it's weird, cause over the past 3 years, I haven't really looked back at high school. Sure, I hung out with my friends, lost touch with some friends, then got back in touch, then lost touch with other people, etc etc.

Excuse me while I vomit out brie and cheddar. (in other words, CHEESE ahead)


And I think somewhere along the line at Cal, I lost myself. I forgot who I am, and I went back to the same self-deprecation and and self-loathing that I was so used to. I guess then I resorted a bit to having to put others down to put myself up. I'm not sure if I became someone that I wanted to be, but I think i'm going to turn around and do my best. I was always looking for the wrong things, and I never found what I wanted, and it isn't until it's too late when I figured out that what I was looking for was self-acceptance. Oh lord, that sounded like a recovering alcoholic's mantra. But I guess that's what I meant. I guess I'll try my best.


High school was good, so is college. So will everything that comes afterwards. When I think about it, nothing's as bad as it seemed at the moment. It's up to me to bring back what's good about me, and try to leave behind the insecurities and sheer idiocy. And try not to quit anything that I started, this time around.

I guess "no one can make me feel inferior unless they have my consent," or "when the world bites me, I need to bite them back" and I DO "have so much to offer" .

Haha, ok enough self affirmation. On with life.

Funny Dad quote just now:

"I don't like my women really skinny, and I don't like them really obese. I like them, you know, with some shape, some form. Yeah, but your mom is BY FAR the fattest girl i've ever dated."

My mom was a little indignant.

Hehe my family's funny.

Coughing

So I've been coughing a lot lately, as you all know. In fact, I've been coughing for almost a month now, and sometimes I'll have these uncontrollable coughing attacks where i just double over and cough for like 2 minutes straight. That and my pulled muscle. Yay.

So I went to the doctor today, and she said I wasn't sick, but I have very severe allergies. Haaa. And I also have mild asthma, so apparently those uncontrollable coughing fits were mini-attacks. It also explains why I have felt lightheaded and dizzy for the past month - cause apparently it was a nasal infection.

Haaaaaaa

Too many entries

But I'd just like to say

I visited my high school last night, and our improv troupe was really amazing. They're better than the college groups I've seen, and even some professional ones. They were definately LOLers. But yeah. I don't think I can watch any other improv for a while until my snobbishness and sense of high school nationalism fades away.

As usual, my first day back is always a riot, cause at this point my parents are hilarious and awesome:

Me: Mom, you don't need to lose weight.
Mom: But I want to be BEAUTIFUL!
Me: ...
(2 second pause)
Mom: Look, I'm having a midlife crisis, ok? Can you just play along?

(all of it was in english except the play along part.)

Yesterday, my father found a giant ugly ass bug on the window. His immediate reaction was to grab his slipper and beat the living bug juice out of the thing, but then he stood there, freeze framed, armed with the slipper in his hand. Then he gave a resigned sigh, and said "I don't want to hurt you." He took a paper towel, carefully wrapped the bug in it, then went outside, letting it free. When he set the bug free, he spread his hands out, looking like a televangelist.

And it's times like these I think, "God, I have such a strange family." But it's pretty awesome, and it explains a lot.

Hehe yay fun!

So I went to a party tonight. I hadn't gone to one in a while, and I was kinda like "eh" before going. But today I was like "you know what, ima go, have fun, cause there's a whoooole bunch of people I haven't seen in a while and they'll all be there." So mostly it was really fun just to catch up with people and have fun dancing. I also met some new people, so that was fun. And I need to learn how to use new words other than "fun". But "recreational" just doesn't cut it. Mostly it was just seeing old friends, and that's what made it awesome :).

Ah some socialization that didn't leave me feeling awkward. But check this out, this was awkward:

I was like "Jenny, girl, you can go talk to a girl, it's not hard. Doesn't matter if she's straight, it's just practice. You can't rely on AIM and facebook forever." So I went to someone, and this was what I said (I left out their part of the convo)

"Uh hey. Oh ha, loud party huh? You gunna get stepped on, heh. yeah, er, what's your name? (by the way, I already forgot her name) Oh I'm Jenny. Ur. Ha, yeah. How do you know the hosts? Oh. Um, cool. Hey I'm gunna go mingle, it's nice to meet you."

HAAAAAAAAAAA

So in case you forgot that I am the most awkward person in the world, here is a sample.

PS: You know that guy I mentioned in my blog last week who gave me his number? he's still hitting on me. He's one of THOSE guys. The ones who think they're hot stuff, and that I'm just desperate to jump into his pants? Oh GIRL, no. And I, no, he's really not that hot (David said, "So when you said he's hot... do you mean 'hot' as in Jenny Goggles 'hot'?" most of the time, David's unimpressed with whomever I find attractive), and I'm a bit disappointed. Eeee I shouldn't have told him that I'd call him, cause that'd just let him down. man, no wonder men hate women.

Shout out: Thanks to Derrick and Alec for hosting!

eh I had an emo entry here about being awkward and insecure etc etc, but I got rid of it. :)

Eeee so now it hurts to like... be alive. Painkillers help a little. I'll ask a doctor sometime today. It's not gunna be a pleasant day.

--
So

Weekend update:

Studied a lot a lot Sat and Sun. Sat morning had Chinese brunch w/ Alex. Sunday, I have almost no recollection except maybe pages after pages of bio and MCAT stuff all day. Milano's where it's at. Sat night went to Stanford for acapella semi-finals w/ friends, damn there were A LOT of people there. Really good groups, though I was soooorely disappointed that Men's Octet didn't win. There's something about BYU that seriously EVERYONE sees that I don't. I really don't see the big deal! But it's ok.

And Joey got me a present. teeeeheheheehehehehe

So after coughing up chunks of lung for the past two, three weeks, one of my muscles finally gave. (I think it's an internal intercostal hey hey?). It's inconveniently right under my right breast, so whenever you see me cough, you'll also see me clutching at my right boob.

Hey there,

Life's been good.
I've been really happy.
Things seem to roll of my back easier
I don't know, but, I just seem to be getting older and wiser lately.
Not as crazy as I used to be, and I meant crazy in a bad sense.
I hope this lasts forever

Silly post, I know, not that funny. Sorry :P

Back to your regular programming next post.

Bizarre Sort of Karmic Comedy

So today at the hospital, one of my coworkers slyly (though not smoothly), slipped a phone number into my pocket, saying that one of "his buddies" was checking me out. I was like "oh haha, whatever, Anthony, don't fuck around."

He wasn't fucking around. Later, he tried to make me talk to his friend on the walky talky (cause we work in the basement, and his friend works at the reception desk). And I was like "AHHHHH!" and ran away and went home. His friend waved at me on his way out. He was pretty attractive, actually.

So I'm having some issues with this:

Number one being...
1. I'm kinda gay. And he kinda is a guy. A hot guy, but yet, his main flaw being, he's still a guy.
2. But, if I don't reply, and I see him every week at work, I'm gunna look like a bitch.
3. As someone who has sent someone else an anonymous note and having it end up being completely disastrous, awkward, and yet enlightening experience. And having it ultimately resulting in my appearance as an absolutely creepy asshole, I'm feeling a little bit like a creepy person right about now (ok, it was a little out of my control, but still). I had this sudden realization that, "Hey, I probably looked like a creepy ass! I probably still do!"
4.At the same time, his friend seems nice, so I'm like "Eh I'd like to hang out w/ him, but he probably only wants ass."
5. Nope, still gay.
6. But at least I'm hot? :D
7. MCATs AHHH!

I don't know what to DOOOOOOOO!!!!

MRAH!

PS: YAY! My boss wrote me back!

Oh dear lord, I need some social competence right about now.

Okay so:

This is what's been up in my life - My life has, once again, taken a turn for the bizarre:

I've lost my voice for about 4 days now, and I can only manage high pitched squeals every once in a while. I'm very sick, and mostly I've just been coughing up a lung. Or feeling very very very lightheaded.

I'm housing a friend whom I haven't really spoken to or seen in 4 years. (Bizarre?)

I tried to test out my voice today while walking back home - I managed a high pitched "eeeeee". The girl walking on the same side of the street as me decided to cross the street and go on the other side.

I'm dying from my workload. I have to (this week):

• Study for 2 quizzes
• Study for 1 midterm
• Go to acapella (ok not work, but I whine)
• MCAT practices all over the place
• read about 200 pages of bio/history/more bio
• start on my 20 page paper due in a month
• Find out wtf I'm doing this summer - ie apply to SURP and email my bosses... FIND INTERNSHIPS
• Find profs to write recs for med school for me
• Start a letter service at Career center
• a month late in rent
• Med school med school med school
• NOT BE SICK ANYMORE
  
• Get reimbursed for the antibiotics
• Whining and bitching (getting SOMETING done, at least)
  

GO GO GO GO GO GO GO

Er, so my blog got hijacked yesterday. That's why I had the weird entry. But I'm gunna keep it there for artistic purposes. or something...

ANYWAY, I was SOOOO trashed yesterday. It was Theresa's bday party and Erica came up to visit me for Thurs and Friday, so we went to Beckett's and got FUCKED UP. I had a Long Island ice tea and I was GONE gone gone gone. Apparently I was yelling really embarassing stuff about myself in the bar, and the people next to us didn't like me that much. I was falling over laughing and drunk dialing Alex. Kinda lame later though, cause I got sick and came home at around 10:30, completely wasted. Joey was like "Jenny, that's pretty pathetic." So I fell asleep at around 11, and I woke up sporatically at around 2 or 3 wanting to barf pretty bad, but I didn't. I also didn't get a hangover.

Yeah, one long island ice tea (ok and a midori sour, but that's like drinking sugar). That got me.

woooooooo

This is what happens when you let your friends write your blog for you.

It was a dark and stormy night,

My heart was torn apart by wild dogs who were rabid. And I was wallowing, oh so wallowing in my blood and gore. The PRESIDENT. Right I am in my time of need. Just like a fat kid loves cake. I was really upset cause I was totally blueballed by this 10 foot tall smurf. It was a really hard day. Then I started thinking how smurf's balls are blue all the time, so when a smurf has an erection. What is it called?

The end

PS Joey stayed home to comfort me in my time of need. Oh so much need.


PPS: Just kidding. no really.

Subjecting you guys to these silly things:

Self-gratification

Self-deprecation

Watch out for some grade-whoring ahead


Ok, so many of you out there know I bitch about grades a lot, and often without grounds. So, this is your warning: if you hate it when I whine and moan about a B+, don't keep on reading.

So I got 2 midterms back recently, and both around A- range.

I'm peeved.

Because these are fairly easy classes, I feel. Mostly memorization. Don't get me wrong, actually, these are the most interesting MCB courses I've ever taken. It's nothing like those weeder classes where you get this unsettling feeling that somehow you've just got tricked into participating in a Japanese game show called "Social Darwinism."

But I digress. Why, then, is it so hard for me to study for these classes? Why am I lame in them? Ok, ok A- is not lame. But I actually like solid A's. They don't make you look over your shoulder, kinda like solid B's.

It's alright, I'll just pull it up later. *knocks on wood*

Ok, done whining. I'll be awaiting the burning effigies outside my window.

Hilarity

Often, it's times like these when I have a sudden epiphany. I have found my purpose in life, I know who I am now, I have figured out all there is to life.

I exist solely for the entertainment of others. But you know what?

It's awesome. I tend to look at everything as an opportunity, and this an opportunity for a comic strip. I suppose this is why I always have so many stories to tell people. So chalk another one up for Chen.

Often, people would have this BS image of "yeah I'm cool. I have to be this cool, awesome charming person," but let me ask you. Where's the fun in that? Part of my charm lies entirely in my social-ineptness and bumbling ways. But I think I'm content being an inadvertant comedian.

Dignity is overrated anyway.

And I'm still laughing.

Wow triple post in one day.

But OMG Just saw Alvin Ailey show with Wayne. AMAZING! Effing AMAAAAAAZING! Like you're like OMG HOW IS THAT PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE! BUT IT IS! Wow. I have a newfound respect for modern dance. Wowie wow wow wow.... :) Literally why I said afterwards "wow... that was like... wow."

Oh yeah...

And remember how I really had to pee last week during my midterm? I got it back...

A-/A with the curve... not bad :)

Jenny

Another "Jenny's crazy kids at the school she tutors at" story

So yeah, a student under my watch cried today. I'm not sure if it's my fault though. Anyway, so:

I was tutoring this math group of 4 kids, and basically they're just playing a board game. Pretty easy stuff even for a 1st grader, roll a die, move forward whatever spots. So I teamed this little boy and girl up, and I worked with another kid on the value of coins. I was pretty focused on that, so when I looked over at the boardgame group, the little girl looked like she was about to cry.

Apparently the boy was like "I win! 10 times! You won NONE! I win!" And was cheering. He wasn't being intentionally malicious, just happy that he's winning. Anyway, the girl was kinda upset, so she started crying. I think then the little boy noticed and felt really really bad, and was like "Oh um... nevermind nevermind. I don't win, I don't win." And he moved her piece to the end and threw his piece away and was like "see? you win! I lose. you win! see? Sorry sorry.... I don't want to play anymore...." in this really pathetic voice.

I diffused the situation by teaming the girl with her best friend, and teaming the little boy with someone else.

oh children.

The meaning of friendship

So today I went to Joey's rugby game, and actually, rugby was really cool! It's like the good parts of football and basketball all combined. I reallly enjoyed watching it. but I'm getting sidetracked...

While trying to get a better view, I climbed to the top of a hill and watched the game with Joann. I was kneeling in front of a broken tree branch, and when I stood up, it carved a line into my butt. My ass crack is now 3 inches longer than it used to be. So there's this swollen red line on my ass right now - it's not very attractive.

Later, I went over to Alex's place to do some homework, and showed him and Brenden my battle scar. You know someone you know is a good friend if he washes the wound on your ass with alcohol, then iodine, then bandages it up.

I will admit, however, the fact that I was yowling and yelling bloody murder when Alex put the alcohol on probably made it sound like a bufu festival. And the frantic "You dropped it in my underwear?!" (the "it" in question is the bandaid) really amused Brenden, who couldn't see a thing.

This is most definately an "I fail at life" story:

So... I just got back from taking my MCB 136 midterm. I left about half an hour early. Now... you're wondering "Is it your familiarity with the material?" "Are you a genius?" "Cause you're so damn cool like that?" No, not really.

I just really had to pee.

I didn't want to walk across like 10 people, then walk back, then leave again. So I skimmed over my work, and turned it in, politely inquired as to where the bathroom was, then bolted down the hall with my bastard bladder.

usually I have no problem w/ that bullshit, but I had not expected my bladder to commit such a heinous treachery that early in the morning (probably because I drank 2 liters of water the night before because I have a dry throat).

*is afraid of test results*

Yay for unproductive Friday nights!!!!

So... Mike and Henry treated me to a belated birthday dinner last night at Joshuya's (I seriously thought it was pronounced Joshua's... but I guess I'm just uncultured and not authentic). SO MUCH SUSHI! And soooo sooooo SOOOOOOOO good. Thank you guys SO much! That was a delicious dinner, and it made me woozy (and funnier!). Then we went back to Mike and Henry's place w/ Rey and I got my ass kicked at mario kart (on gamecube), but not before we saw a strange dub of a Jackie Chan film, and I had a very very good waffle. YAY! Thanks :) Mike's hair looks amazing! He kept on insisting that he could see me with a man, though, what the pho?


Then I went back to watch the lesbian episode of Golden Girls with Joey and Joann. It was a good episode. Good times, good times.

So much for the 3 -4 hours of studying I was planning on putting in.

EDIT: So my closet door just fell down. I think this is supposed to be vaguely symbolic, except I'm out already.

My day and week:

So...

My ipod is officially out of commission... forever, and my warrenty doesn't cover it, and it'll prolly cost several hundred dollars to fix it. So I sez, I sez, "Fuck that shit, bitch, time to get me a new MP3 player." So yes, I overindulged, and bought myself a Creative Labs MP3 player. I love it; it has radio, and can record stuff, and I like that.

Was tutoring again today, and my lord was this child annoying. I've had to work with her for short periods of time in the past before, and I usually don't lose my patience in that period of time. But I had to work with her for about an hour today, and boy... she is such a brat.

She'd be doing something wrong, and whenever I point it out to her, she'd be like "I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW!" and throw her pencil at me. Luckily I wore glasses. She'd snatch the book out from under me, and often, when she screws up on her work, say "You MADE me do it! You screw everything up!" Then I'm like "okay, here's what you can do to fix that..." and she'd snap "I KNOW I KNOW!" then proceed to do it wrong again. Then sometimes she'd demand"do it for me" and I'm like "uh no" and she'd flip out and shout "You're MEAN MEAN MEAN! I hate you! You ALWAYS do this!" And it's not that she's bad at math or anything, she's just an annoying little brat. She always whines "help meeeeee" too when she wants me to erase something for her.

Sadly, I know people my age like this.

Mind you, most of the children that I tutor are little angels, or if they're unruly, they're still good kids on the inside. This little girl was just a spoiled little ARGHHHHHH... ANYWAY...

Hmmm... what else

Oh yeah, I'm convinced half of my MCAT class is retarded.

I have about 60 pages of reading to do for my MCB 136 class, and I want it done tonight.. but I haven't had dinner, and I is hungry like whoa. (Actually I did have dinner at around 4 pm... but I'm starting to hunger again. Man, these midnight snacks'll be the death o' me... MMMMMM bacon cheeseburger... urrrgggh arteries...) I have 2 midterms next week (tues and wed) and I'm not particularly worried, but I kinda need to get my ass on it and stop procrastinating. Oh yeah, I also have about 50 passages of MCATs to do... Guess how long each passage takes! 10 minutes. Yeah. I'm fucked.
---
(an hour later)
Mm so just got back from getting a bacon cheeseburger... yeah. I'm going to die at 25. So much for healthy... and productive... Aiiiiiyaaaa. Sleep now.

--

Want to (but probably won't):

1. Learn guitar
2. I gave up on the skateboard thing (that was shortlived.)
3. Finish doing all my work
4. Run and lift more regularly

Mom quotes:

"There's this REALLY good movie I saw the other day. It was called 'Legally Blind.'"

"It's common knowledge that gay are nice, and lesbians have mental disorders." (and she was serious.)

"You have no game."

--

Joey's mom sent me a Valentine's Day box o' chocolate! Thank you!

--

Apology:
Sorry to all my friends that I was so emo this entire week.

--

Perspectives (Warning: Long entry... slightly less levity than my normal entries, but I'll try to keep it interesting and not whiny) So on Tuesday I was volunteering at my elementary school, and I was speaking to this little 1st grade girl I was tutoring. She asked me how old I was, to which I replied "21", and she squealed "WOW! My mom's 24!" I guess she was really excited that her mom and I are about the same age, though I mostly just felt a little odd. She then continued "I'm really happy today! My dad's coming back." "From where?" I said, thinking of a business trip. "Jail." She said matter-of-factly, then continued, "Yeah, we're going to play Monopoly when he gets back. I can't do the money, but he can help me."